I remember rushing through my days, rushing through my nights, rushing through my job and even rushing through my leisure. There was always something big on the horizon I was looking forward to. I was living as though someday, I’d get to come back and do those days over or enjoy them more, or be more present. But we don’t get that time back. Except for one moment in history, time has never gone backwards for anyone.

If I become a closed loop, no information gets in or out. It’s like being stuck inside a cabin alone during winter. No one benefits from my experiences, and I’m not learning anything new.  In my last post, I mentioned that my secret weapon for busting Winter Blues is Expanded Thinking. Below are eight more expanded thinking keys to get you through winter.

#1 Ask questions when faced with something new. Don’t take it at face value. It seems like school should be the place where we are trained to ask a lot of questions. What I learned there is to just go along with the program and muddle through. Questions slowed the class down, and too many teachers didn’t appreciate very many questions. I find that I still wait to be asked if I have any questions.

Where I volunteer, I work on platforms that most people seem to understand. I do not, but if I want to be an effective volunteer, I have to ask how they work. Sometimes, I don’t even know what questions to ask. I learn best by being hands on, doing the steps as I’m directed to do them. It’s like driving, you can read about it but you learn best by practicing driving a car.

I’m probably not the only person who thought asking questions might make me look stupid. In my line of work I’m supposed to fill in the story blanks for clients writing their books. I have to not only walk in a person’s shoes, I have to think along the lines of their beliefs and experiences, while taking the reader along for the ride. By asking more questions, I notice nuances that would have been missed and can make clear the hidden ramifications. Pretending to understand robs us of a chance to learn more. Now, I feel emboldened to ask questions. As part of this, I also make room for people to ask of me whatever is not clear to them.

#2 Learn to focus on important things. It took me a long time to realize that each person carries a certain kind of knowledge and unique insights. The first half of my life, I heard only part of what people were saying. I thought everyone but me knew what they were talking about. I didn’t want them to think me stupid, so I nodded along. That pretense robbed me of learning more. I was missing not only valuable lessons and opportunities, but a chance to connect with the person. The treasures of life are the people and their stories. A great insight shared will be remembered all your life.

#3 Meditate or pray to boost mindfulness. I’m more serious about this when I’m overwhelmed or feeling pressure. Since taking up this practice, I’m better able to interact with people and lay aside expected outcomes and allow moments to unfold organically, without engineering. With mindfulness, I’m improving as a conversationalist and asking better questions that keep the conversation going. Some thought I was great at this, when in fact, I was just an extremely attentive listener. I also remember more of dreams and an amazing amount of detail. 

#4 Identify your biases. You might find this one more challenging. I was motivated to see what biases I had after a writing mentor made an interesting statement. Though it was about story characters, it carries into the real world. She said, The antagonist always believes he’s right. The real-life correlation is that most people believe their opinions are right. If I want to understand you, or anyone else, I have to suspend judgement and learn what upholds your opinions. Finding my biases forced me to challenge what I believe and research them. It empowered me to take risks and step into uncomfortable places.

My sister is great at asking questions. Why do you do ABC? Why do you believe EFG? What is the same about all of us, what are the differences between us? Is it important that we believe the same things? If so, why? What about this group, party, person makes me uncomfortable? As a result, my conversations got kicked up a notch and now they’re richer and more meaningful. It led me to write a book about unlocking the power of our mind.

#5 Learn to focus on important things. Writing down what is important to you can be a helpful exercise. Prioritizing that list is equally important. When you know what you value, you can make better use of your time, you know what your priorities are, you can connect with like minded people, and be better at building community. And you can more easily let the little things go.

While playing a game with my grandsons, the goal of the game was to collect the pot. The pot consisted of brightly colored, different flavored saltwater taffy. What was important to me was spending time with the boys and having fun with them. I didn’t really want to win and I really didn’t want the candy at all. It made the game at least twice as fun because I was able to enjoy their comments and reactions and notice that for now, they had different priorities. One boy wanted to be the winner. The other just wanted all of a certain flavor. They both got what they wanted in the end, and I was able to enjoy the show.

#6 Move your body every day.  Until I began to suffer from back issues and carpal tunnel, moving my body wasn’t a priority. Some people love the structure of going to a gym and lifting weights and running on treadmills. I’ve modified Dorothy Parker’s sentiment on writing to fit this topic: I hate exercise, but I love to have exercised.

Moving your body doesn’t even have to be hardcore. It can include cycling, dancing, jogging, kayaking, boxing, self-defense training—think of something fun that you enjoy that gets you moving!

Just walking and stretching consistently can change your mood.Remember how great it feels when you’re done.The afterglow. The accomplishment. A 76-year-old friend of mine prefers walking trails and hiking outdoors twice a week in any weather with a group of health-conscious seniors. Between that and yoga, she’s fit enough to ride her motorcycle all around the world.

#7 Listen to your intuition. Back when Disco was popular, if you weren’t going to be a secretary, writer, or keying in data all day, typing wasn’t overly necessary. For thirty years I didn’t type a thing. When the computers were becoming affordable, I was still creating art so hunt & peck was good enough for another five or eight years.

But then one day, the little voice inside said, “Get a typing program!” I went to the library and borrowed a typing package. I took it home and practiced for a few minutes every day. A few weeks later, at an open writers group meeting, a foreign-born man announced that he was dictating his new book and needed a transcriber. I waited to see if someone would leap at the chance. Instead, people exchanged glances. Did they not understand him? He had an accent but that didn’t dissuade me. I raised my hand, and he hired me on the spot. For the next several months he paid me to learn to type. And, it turns out, transcribing is an important part of my ghostwriting process.

That still small voice can strike at any time I learned early on that the spirit of you can see more than the physical body of you. It could be leading you to a new opportunity like the one above; if I hadn’t listened, I would have missed it. Intuition might be directing you to something you’ve been thinking about, like when I heard, “go to Fresh Thyme” (a grocery) and the blueberries I’d been craving were on sale. It might be delivering a message that could save your life—“take the long way home” and you avoid a car pileup, or “Don’t take that flight!” and avoid a  plane crash. Looking back, had I listened to my intuition, certain disasters in my life could have been averted.

#8. Engage in healthy social relationships. I define healthy social relationships as those that help me grow, challenge me, encourage me, and invite me to live up to my full potential. That circle of people holds me accountable to who I am and who I say I want to be. If I’m engaging with people who aren’t doing those things, or worse—doing the opposite—I need to keep seeking out those who aspire to more. I love being around energetic positive minded people because they cause that part of me to rise up. When I feel energized and positive, I can spread that vibe around. Whatever you think we need more of in this world, be that thing. We need more encouragers, be one. We need more kindness, be kind. You’ll attract more of it to you and spread it around everywhere you go.

Thanks for coming by. And be sure to check out my next post, with a final set of Expanded Thinking keys!