Where were you in October of 2019? What were you doing? What were you thinking about? What were you worried about? My business was in its early stages, I was a few months into college-level classes, and two new clients were starting new books within weeks of each other. My semi-retired husband was the primary breadwinner and we had just reconciled after a pretty major disagreement.

I worried about passing the course, if my third marriage would survive a difference in beliefs, and how to navigate my husband’s recent health diagnosis.

I couldn’t recall the last time I’d taken a course that mattered so much to me. After graduating, I planned to pivot from general freelance writer to a book ghostwriting business. Would I be able to finish if he left? What if eating better food couldn’t save him?

Then we survived October and November. I thought the future looked bright. Everything rolled pleasantly according to plan until a cold Monday morning in December. My husband had come home from a party the night before. He said he’d come to bed later, and I sailed off to the land of Nod. The next morning, he was still downstairs, wide awake.

Despite chest pain, which had kept him up all night, he insisted he wasn’t having a heart attack. We drove to the ER anyway. When they repeated several of the tests, my reality shifted. He’s not coming home tonight. He might not be coming home ever. And he didn’t. Four days later he was gone and I was single again. Once the worst had happened, all the extra time on my hands went into working. Life went on. Really, what came next seemed to pale in comparison.

It did get very strange in March, didn’t it? But, I completed a client’s book in April and went on a much needed vacation several states away. July came and some family members came in for a small (under 10 people!) graduation party. New clients signed on.

What this means for you

Life consists of many different aspects: Work, primary and secondary relationships, faith/spirituality, meals, entertainment, volunteering, and education. These are fluid and change according to the seasons we’re in. As my husband’s health faded, I chose to spend more time with him and prioritized primary relationships, education, work, and faith. The time with him was well spent. It was the right thing to do.

When he was gone, I’d be the breadwinner. I was too young to collect his retirement. There was no safety-net income. 2020 was the beginning of a series of “science fiction-y” years. It took a while to adjust, but even in the surreality, we do adjust. Even though I didn’t know how I’d get through that year, YeHoVaH /God made sure I had all I needed.

Of course there’s a grieving process for all that was lost. As one author said, the condition of the road is not the destination. I’m not at the end of that road yet. And there is joy for all that has been gained.

For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We read books flipping pages to see how it turns out. We must read the final page for a book to end. No matter how much we enjoyed that book, eventually we reach for another story. Or, as in my case, I get to write a new chapter and start a new book.

Several years into my new life, I’m concerned about different things. I’m happy and choose to look for the good. The future still looks bright and I have a lot of hope. The trials I’ve endured have strengthened me and made me wiser and brought me farther than I thought they could. Maybe you can say the same.

How did you get through the last five years? Where do you hope to be five years from today? I invite you to share your comments and insights in the box below. I’m glad you came by. I hope to see you next time!