I had one of those serendipitous days recently. The Great Light Orb graced us with its presence and blue skies so it seemed important to get out in it, despite being a breezy fifty-seven degrees. I layered up the clothes, shoved my wool-socked feet into fleece lined boots and headed out. A male neighbor had the same idea. He was with his new girlfriend and they were not very far ahead of me. I had planned to walk around the neighborhood near our rental village but after following them on the opposite side of the street for a block, I decided I would go the opposite of whichever way they went to avoid looking like a stalker.

Normally I don’t worry about what my neighbors think, but for several years, this man (and now his gf) have been on some crazy synchronistic schedule. It’s truly weird how often we end of at the same park, pond or taking out the trash at the same time. So, when they got to the T-road and turned right, I turned left.

I hadn’t planned to go to the library, but since it was an easy walk there, I decided to just peruse books for a little while, since I didn’t have a bag to carry them home. I didn’t really need more books. I’m still reading several from the last time I was there, just a few weeks before, when I really didn’t need anything then (but chose five anyway.) When I arrived, I noticed a woman with a clipboard standing out front of the doors.

I figured she might be some activist trying to get an issue on the ballot before primary day. I was partially right. She was in fact collecting signatures to get her husband on the ballot for a congressional seat. She was a total stranger to me until then, and we ended up having the most amazing conversation. After talking for about fifteen (or thirty) minutes, I signed her form. It turns out there are still sane and like-minded people in the world. It seems there are still people who think that interacting with other humans is important. It revived hope in the human race talking to a wife and mother about things that many of us are concerned about.

Serendipity

Inside the library I went straight to cookbooks because I do a lot of thinking while cooking. It helps me get clear regarding client stories, plausible character conversations, or gap filling and creating lovely turns of phrase. Cooking has even helped me with business ideas, relationship building, and processing a myriad of traumatic events from my past. My stove has been an amazing therapist. It is a sublime experience to enjoy a nourishing meal, in peace, confident that everything is going to work out just fine. (No disrespect to the psychology and counseling field–I’ve had my share of insights with them as well.) The library even loaned me a book bag!

On the previous visit to the library, I let my subconscious direct me to “the right” books by going with whatever catches my eye. It could be the cover, the title, a design element, an author name. Sometimes they’re memoirs, or the just right fiction book, it might be how-to or writing books. That time, no cookbooks. I came out with a book on tea, two books on breathing (I thought I knew how to do this!) and two on controlling anxiety: making your anxiety heel or work for you. It was impossible to know the week following was going to be so stressful that I–the cook–wouldn’t be able to even think about eating, let alone cooking.

A brush with law enforcement, several spontaneous and difficult to stanch nosebleeds, and some unexpected expenses. The subconscious knew. Those books got me through a very tough two weeks. (Turns out I really didn’t know how to make the most of my breath.) I learned that I was drinking some very healthy teas, but all three that I’d blended together for their healing effects, had one side effect in common. They each thin the blood in some people; they recommended that it not be drunk two weeks before any surgeries. Guess who turned out to be “some people”? I went back to drinking chai made with Darjeeling.

It hasn’t gone by unnoticed that it seems easier than ever to have conversations with formerly unknown people. I met a woman walking her Corgi the other day. I hadn’t met her before. We didn’t look like each other, but she had a sweatshirt on with a message that resonated with me. Sticking out my hand, I told her who I was and asked her name. After a moment, I asked if I could give her a hug, and she allowed this, with a smile on her face. This isn’t who I was in 2020.

What does this mean for you?

Something has shifted. I sense it and I see it happening to me, but it’s happening to other people too. I can listen to someone and hear what they have to say without judgement, or trying to think of what I want to say, prove why my side is better, right, smarter, because it may not be.I’m able to be my authentic self and encourage—however briefly—the people I meet.

It feels like a reclaiming of something that was nearly stolen from all of us, especially over the last several years. We are all trying to make a go of life under very precarious circumstances. We don’t have to agree on all points. And honestly, each of us with an opinion believes we have the correct one. But now, instead of proving rightness, smartness, betterness, the conversation seems to be, how did you arrive at that understanding? Because context matters.

A young man I care about very much was having some difficulty with his father. Because I know the father very well, the young man reached out to me to ask, what should be done about this situation? As I have heard from a very wise therapist, context is everything. If we know why a loved one does what they do, if it is merely annoying and not harmful, we can make room for it. Not always, but usually. The young man asked some questions and heard the reasons why his father did a certain thing and suddenly it made more sense. All animosity dropped away.

Let’s share our abilities

What my certification program in ghostwriting taught me that may have been the most important lesson of my life, is how to ask the right questions. Having experience in working some very unforgiving public-facing service jobs didn’t hurt: collections, restaurants, grocery stores, and retail to name a few. I learned navigation skills needed to keep people engaged in communication.

But to keep this conversation going, I’m appealing again to the writers out there reading this blog. If you’re interested in sharing a little about your writing, any essays, stories or books you have published, I’d love to meet you and share your story with our readers. Leave your contact info in the comments. I will retrieve it and it will not be published. I’ll provide more details to those who reach out.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear what you’re seeing out there regarding interactions with your public. Drop the comments below. I’ll look forward to seeing you again soon!